oh right, third trimester

27 weeks, Disney World

Dear baby boy,

The funny thing about this pregnancy is for awhile, I kind of forgot I was pregnant. But the big belly, sharp kicks and rolls, fiery heartburn and ridiculously gross congestion are a constant reminder now.

We've entered our third trimester together now. We've crossed all those big milestones that I didn't write about like 12 weeks of progesterone supplements, early ultrasounds for reassurance, making sure all your parts and pieces were in the right places, finding out you had boy parts, finding a new doctor, and the dreaded glucose test. We've graduated to semi-monthly appointments now and soon will be registering at the hospital.

22 weeks

Your big brother is excited to meet you, though he's pretty sure you're living in his belly. Despite your in utero status, he's given you piggyback rides, taken you to Disney World, read you books, had you help him find hidden pictures in his Highlights magazine and help him eat snacks. He tucks you in by lifting up my shirt and tucking a blanket around my roundness.

24 weeks, 4 days

This pregnancy has been admittedly less fun but much faster than the first time around. My body feels it more, and I'm less thrilled about the expanding belly/thighs/butt/face. I've found winter pregnancy to be much more challenging for me than summer pregnancy. Probably less swelling but lots more indoor time and more battles with my limited pants selection.That doesn't mean we're anything but overjoyed to meet you in a few months. If this last year taught me anything, it's how lucky I feel to be able to expand our family.

So even though your crib is in a box upstairs somewhere, your clothes and diapers are still neatly (ha) packed in plastic bins in the attic and the new stuff we need is waiting to be bought from my Amazon wish list, we're ready for you to make our family of four complete.

Keeping growing in there little man.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama

new life

We found out in a Walmart bathroom in the middle of Iowa. 

There had been months of ovulation tests, then only one line. Frustration that things just wouldn't get back to normal. And then suddenly, the two lines (and a digital test thrown in for confirmation) we'd been praying for since January.

9/17/13, Four weeks 1 day

"Less than 5 percent of women have two consecutive miscarriages (Mayo Clinic).

This is the statistic I am clinging to with an anxious heart.

I can't remember what it was like to go into this pregnancy thing with blind faith. Worrying about how many cloth diapers I would need, which crib was safest and which birthing method was best for my baby. Instead I am tiptoeing through the fear of losing another baby and navigating that ocean of grief. I'm trying to do the normal things like look up pregnancy announcements, the milestone dates we'll reach but really all I am doing is praying the days, weeks and months go fast. I have zero fear of another rapid birth, or if this baby will scream for five hours a night. I just want that sweet, healthy baby."

The next two weeks were the longest. Waiting for the point when a heartbeat could be detected. I took no less than 20 pregnancy tests, just confirmation that indeed the lines were getting darker. It was too early for symptoms but their absence made me sick with worry.

10/2/13, 6 weeks 3 days - Heartbeat appointment

"I cried when I climbed on the table. Cried harder when she showed me the flickering light of life. We did a transvaginal and could see it even better. The sac looks great, and baby was measuring a day ahead of what I thought. Heartbeat was 130/beats per min which is strong. She turned on the ultrasound wand for a second so I could hear five strong beats booming in the room. It was a miracle when I heard it with Henry but I can't tell you how much more of a miracle it seems this time, knowing how vulnerable life really is."

We've had three ultrasounds, each one as perfect as the last. Shea got me a fetal doppler at home to ease my anxiety. My midwife held my hand, answering every crazy question and indulging in my need for reassurance.

At 16 weeks now, I worry less about baby's health and more about the fact I am packing on the pounds and wearing maternity clothes six to eight weeks earlier than I had to with Henry. But the awe of a healthy pregnancy is not lost in our house.

the best year

 
In January,
I told everyone I was pregnant. And then it all seemed real when we heard a galloping heartbeat.


In February,
we made a video that eventually got a lot of YouTube views announcing we were having a boy. We also made a less popular video of our cat opening the door.

In March,
we registered for the baby boy. I talked about my aversion to a lot of baby stuff. I take back my hatred for pacifiers and infant car seats. The bumpers, nursing pads, pack n play, bouncy seat and huge swings? Haven't needed them yet.

We also went to Belize where Shea felt the baby kick for the first time. I also drank a lot of watermelon juice, climbed pyramids in 115 degree heat and rode bikes along the ocean.

In April, 
we accomplished some really big budget goals. Then I gave up sugar for a week but wimped out and ended up passing my glucose test regardless. 

In May, 
We moved into a rental house. Got a temporary roommate. I got bigger, our fridge stopped working and my little sister graduated from college. I also had the worst day ever.

In June,
I had my first shower and received a lot of cloth diapers. Then it started to get really hot, and I got proportionately moodier.

In July, 
we had two more showers. Freaked out about the car seat,  and then freaked out about our marriage never being the same. Lots of freaking out.

In August, 
I gave birth really, really quickly after crying eight hours before that I COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. Henry heard me apparently. Then I lost blood and had iron infusions. And slowly got better. There was a lot of crying and not much sleeping from all members of the household. 

In September,
life was hard. And too busy for eating and showering. We were totally in love and totally and completely overwhelmed.

In October, 
Henry got a cousin. And I got new tires.

In November,
I celebrated turning 29 with pizza in bed. Henry started giggling. And I started work.

In December, 
we completely failed at getting Henry to sleep in his crib. But succeeded in making him way cute for his baptism.

By far the best year of my life but also the most challenging. I have no idea what 2012 has in store but I am confident my average weight will be less and my sleep will be more.

never the same again

 
One of my favorite things is coming home to Shea, making a dinner of random leftovers (first step, check for mold) and watching four episodes of whatever show from two years ago we're watching through Netflix until we fall asleep on the couch.

Or the days we carpool to work, and on the way home we eat dinner at whatever restaurant we drive by that looks appealing.

Or when we get up early to run at the gym together. You know, before the pregnant.

Or Saturday mornings when we sleep in, he brings me pancakes in bed, and we leisurely run errands the rest of the day - just enjoying the Target aisles.

Or when we take trips because we saved up enough points or found a good airline deal, and find the most random, local things to do. Like cave tubing in Belize, pizza-eating in Breckenridge, mountain biking in Arkansas, presidential estate touring in Nashville or sushi-eating in San Francisco.

It was reflecting on the awesomeness of marriage that led to the biggest pregnancy meltdown thus far. Because folks, I really love my marriage. My non-baby, just-us marriage.

This whole baby thing is on purpose, and this boy is going to be loved to the moon and back. And I feel overwhelmingly blessed and lucky to have this little baby coming our way. But his coming also means the closing of yet another chapter. When we got married, I had that knot in my stomach and frequently teared up about the transition from daughter to wife. I read a book about not only the craziness and joy of weddings but the side feelings of grief as a woman transitions into her new identity. 

Transitioning to motherhood has got to be an even bigger switch. They say 80 percent of new mothers experience "baby blues" with 15 percent of those actually diagnosed with postpartum depression. So it's not a transition that just comes easily to all women.

I know that in a few weeks it will seem like we've always been parents. And we won't want to be watching Netflix on the couch but will be staring into a crib in awe of what we created. And I know that I'll love Shea even more because he's the father of my child.

But for at least tonight, I'm going to fall asleep on the couch with my head on Shea's chest. And no matter how many days we have as just the two of us, I'll cherish every single one of them.

at least we can swaddle

Our childbirth class came with a free newborn care class. Because free knowledge is good, we dragged our tired, swollen selves to the hospital. The instructor was the same quirky one from our fear factor childbirth class.

The first hour was a repeat except for some horrific pictures of a newborn getting ointment slathered on his poor little eyeballs after birth. And a description of circumcision. And pictures of different kinds of baby poop. Newborns are so much fun!

The second half of the class, though, shifted to hands-on learning - burping, holding, (disposable) diapering and swaddling. Shea, having the spatial skills in this parenting team, was a successful swaddler of our very large baby with unbendable legs.

He's adopted.

Very proud of himself, Shea demonstrated his skills at home.

Luckily our baby won't be born with a healthy set of claws and incisors.

34 weeks

Baby boy,

We're down to crunch time..literally. You're the size of a cantaloupe and moving around like a mad man though I have no idea how considering your cramped home. You respond to daddy's voice with kicks and rolls, which is my new favorite thing.

I went to the doctor last week and talked about how things in my belly seem different. LOTS of pressure really low, no more heartburn, more tired, more fluids and stronger Braxton Hicks. So our midwife did a little pushing on my stomach and found your head waaaay down in my pelvis. I'm probably dilated a bit, too, but we decided to wait for the 35-week appointment to check. She thinks we'll be meeting you sooner than our due date, though!

This news made us very excited and frenzied. My only request is that you hang on for at least July 30. Then at least your lungs will be fully cooked and our midwife will be in town for good. Daddy would really like you to come on that day because he'd win $50. Plus, I think his heart might burst if he has to wait any longer to meet you.

Your mother is remarkably more tired (and considerably more forgetful) this week. After running two errands Saturday morning, I slept for three hours. When grocery shopping Sunday, we had to stop multiple times mid-aisle to wait for a stronger practice contraction or groin pain to pass. Sleep is elusive most nights as I either wake up sweating and have to put cold washcloths over my face or my hip joints and legs hurt ache enough to wake me up. It's all good though because each ache is one step closer to meeting you.

We love you,
Mama

this is me, not complaining

See this?

I am not complaining about it. Nor am I complaining about this part of it:

So mark it down. I might be 233 days pregnant but I am most definitely NOT complaining.

33 weeks

Baby,

You're about the weight of a pineapple- pushing four pounds. Your skeleton is hardening except for the bones in your skull which will stay soft so you can enter the world. You could grow a full inch this week, and your bubble of fluid has maxed out which explains the sharper feeling of movement.

Your mother has perfected the waddle as you continue to put more pressure lower in her abdomen. We seem to be entering that point in pregnancy when the symptoms are less popular to talk about. Most of them involve some type of blood or fluid. I am very hungry but unfortunately have lost the love of eating. I swear I've been re-piped and all my food goes down to some imaginary box that sits on my lungs. Though according to the scale at home I've put on at least three pounds in two weeks. Apparently my eating habits are unrelated to weight gain. We've started to have to pee a lot more now, especially when standing up after a couple hours of sitting.

I've been having nightly dreams about you - mostly regarding your entrance into the world. None scary but often weird like giving birth in an apartment above the airport. My belly is like a huge basketball and sometimes I have to put my hands on top of it during meetings so people aren't distracted by the rolling waves or bulges.

Now that we've made our final trip to Minnesota, we're entering our nesting phase. This week we have a doctor's appointment to ask a bunch of questions post-childbirth class (where's my valet parking, dangit?), preparing to pack the hospital bag (I finally bought my tiny shampoo, success!) and filling out a ton of paperwork.

You'll be considered full-term in four weeks. FOUR.

Must go make more lists.

Love you,
Mama

more about natural

Caveat to this post:  I don't care what other people choose to do for their birth plan. People handle pain differently. People believe differently. People have different levels of risk tolerance. Making a person and bringing it into the world is something to be applauded and revered no matter the method or approach.

That being said, yikes, people are sensitive. From the comments on my blog (I don't publish name calling comments, so play nice or go play somewhere else) to the natural birth forums and blogs I read it's clearly a topic people love to argue about. And get all judgey about. I do think it's something to be informed about and not decide without research. To know the risks to the baby and the mother. To know the advances in medical technology. But to be open about because as my friend Elizabeth says, expect the unexpected with kids, even the being born ones.

I want to go natural because I believe I can. Because I believe God made me for a purpose such as this. I'm anxious but not scared. The more I can stay calm and confident, the better I'll do.

Because the risks associated with epidurals - spinal migraines, paralysis (however rare), needing more drugs since you can't feel the pushing or contractions, more risk of c-section - scare me more than pain.

Because I want to have the freedom to walk around during labor and let nature do its work rather than be confined to a bed.

Because I want to be alert and have an alert baby who can breastfeed immediately. 

Because I want an empowering experience that I can only imagine is a thousand times better than the feeling of crossing a finish line after a long race.

Our midwife asks us to fill out a birth plan and even though she didn't have a natural birth, she is supportive of her patients that want one. I love my midwife and the nurses I met in the hospital seemed fantastic as well. But, I also believe in a strong birth plan and an advocate-minded husband. Medical professionals have many different motivations and just like mothers, have different beliefs on what's best. But as long as there are no medically necessary interventions, it's my body and my experience - something I feel comfortable and appropriate dictating. Besides I am making little hand and feet cookies for the nurses - because who doesn't love cookies?

However, if I walk in with a wishy-washy plan, I'll waver for sure. Hence the plan and the husband. If I am in labor for 30 hours and no progress will I take drugs? Um, yes. If the baby is in danger, and I need a c-section or continuous fetal monitoring in order to ensure his safety will I do it? Of course!

But I firmly believe birth is a natural process that my body has prepared for nine months to go through. And for me, trying my hardest to experience that process without drugs is important for my health and little baby's health. If it doesn't go the way I planned, I'm OK with that as long as I get a cute, breathing little baby on the other side.

I can live with myself it it doesn't go as planned. I can't live with myself if I don't trust myself enough to try.

32 weeks

Baby boy,

Now we're less than two months to go. You're just shy of four pounds and 16-19 inches long, depending which book you read - let's just say you're big and running out of room. You're rolling around in there and your feet are in my ribs. My stomach bulges out on one side as you change positions. Your head is in just the right spot so that when I stand up after sitting for awhile I feel electric shock like pain, my right leg goes numb and I have to pee like I haven't peed in days. Braxton Hicks are getting a lot more frequent. Guess we're both practicing for the big day.

The family started a betting pool on your name. We have had that one nailed down from the day we found out you were a boy. We have two middle names that we are trying to decide between but either way, I think you'll have a strong name.

At our appointment last week you had the hiccups during the heartbeat check. This was on of my top five moments of pregnancy. My heart just melted, and I cannot wait to meet you!

This week you'll travel to Minnesota to see family. You were there before, when you were the size of a little pea. All your mother asks is that you do not do anything silly while on the airplane. Just keep your sweet self right where you are for at least five more weeks.

Love you much.
Mama

learning to birth

I wanted to include pictures with this post but somehow bringing my big camera to the hospital classroom and taking pictures of silly powerpoint slides seemed inappropriate. After seeing the videos, I am confident I made the right decision especially for the sake of everyone reading this post.

Shea and I felt largely over-prepared for the class especially when the July due date couples answered "Hmm, I dunno" to a lot of the questions about labor, baby and life. Granted we're the couple who have trips planned for next May and August already, but still.

Valuable things we learned
1. We don't want an epidural. I was worried the class would scare me enough into wanting one but quite the opposite. The most uncomfortable I was during the whole class was when they showed a patient getting the epidural followed by an explanation of all the catheters, IV tubes and monitor belts strapped to her body. I realize there are game changers that might require more pain medication than originally thought, but I'd rather be walking around, deep breathing through the pain in the hallway than confined to a bed with bars. Sidenote: Of the 12 couples, we were one of two not wanting drugs.

I also found myself every 20 minutes leaning over to Shea and saying "I'm not doing that." This included: continuous fetal monitoring, automatic IV fluids, any sort of conversation involving pitocin and getting my haircut like any of the women in the videos. That being said, I will do whatever is medically necessary to have a healthy baby regardless of my ideal plan. But I'd rather start with a plan, and adjust if needed then let others make all the decisions for me.

2. They will place baby boy on my chest immediately and leave him there for an hour. Yay.

3. I'm not that big. Halfway through the class, Shea leaned over and said "OK, you are really not big at all." Not that it matters or that it's a competition but.. WINNER.

4. When going to the bathroom during the final trimester, pee. Then push baby up toward ribs, pee again. It's proven to be super helpful already.

5. For massaging the back during labor, the plastic one shaped like a turtle was best. Tennis balls and bare hands are super irritating.

Really annoying things we learned
1. Shea has to drop me off at the labor wing's circle drive, get me settled and then leave me to move his car. Considering we don't want to actually get to the hospital until I am in super active labor (avoid drug temptations) I find it hard to imagine me allowing him to leave for even 15 minutes. My new goal is to find a way to subvert this policy.

2. Providing apple juice and frequent breaks are nice but do not eliminate the pregnant woman's need for comfortable chairs if sitting from 9 a.m. - 3 p.m.

3. The educator provided very little information regarding risk of pain management drugs. Everyone has a different plan but making sure you are informed seemed difficult with this class. Thank goodness we're book-reading, over-achievers.

4. Teacher told us we should all have our bags packed already because her friend went into labor at 31 weeks. Puh-lease. I also learned to bring my own shampoo because it apparently costs money in the hospital. I can't pack my bag til I buy little shampoo. And I do not have time or motivation to buy little shampoo. This is apparently where the over-achieving mindset ends - in the shampoo aisle of Target.

5. "If you have to be induced, it's going to really hurt." "Your lips are going to dry out and crack with all that breathing." "If you eat, you will vomit on your husband and he will have to wear it." "Don't go through the drive thru on the way to the hospital, your wife will want to eat all of your Big Mac." "Husbands if you don't like poop or blood, stay near her head." I hear there's going to be a terrorist attack, too. Red alert! Geez..

31 weeks

Baby boy,

You're getting bigger - seems to be a pattern every week eh? You're getting pretty close to your birth length but you have another 3-5 pounds to pack on before you make your exit.

Mama was feeling pretty good until the last 48 hours. After sleeping 11 hours on Saturday night, I slept four hours on Sunday night - making for a not so happy Monday. You see, my hips hurt. And my back. And my ankles and wrists. My hands are swollen. My legs are super sore and cramp several times in the night, usually when I am getting up to pee, which is now quite frequently. I hoping it was just overdoing it Saturday with six hours of errands, planting flowers, walking and a bit of theater and that normalcy will return. Monday night was much better so here's hoping. I'm trying to consider it training for life when you're on the outside wanting my attention when I used to sleep.

I've been having way more vivid dreams. Sunday night I dreamt over and over about a conversation I had at church about how I didn't need to get swaddling blankets (except for the very thin ones) because you'll be a heat of the summer baby. After waking up sweating at least five times thinking about it, I got up at 4:15 a.m. to delete them from our registry. Seriously, your mother might be going crazy.

We bought some things for your nursery followed by an hour of random crafting. Daddy painted your new shelf and I painted little blocks in our nursery colors. This weekend we hit another big milestone when we attend childbirth class. Considering how we both have non-feelings about the whole process of your entry into the world, I hope this doesn't rattle our nerves.

We're in the single-digit week countdown now! Can't wait to meet you face to face.

Mama

tell me where it hurts

I had a GREAT weekend, which I promise to blog about when the third-trimester fairy stops being such a pest, and I've had more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep. Until then, enjoy this visual representation of what it's like to be 31 weeks pregnant and so tired you think drawing your own stick figure in Photoshop is the best way to communicate.

30 weeks

Dear baby boy,

Gulp! How did we get here? 30? Babies are born in the 30s. You could be BORN in the 30s, however statistically unlikely. You're pushing 16 inches and three pounds, about the size of a cabbage. Now you'll be gaining half a pound a week. You're learning to regulate your own body temperature, if only your mother could learn to do the same. Your brain is growing and starting to look fully formed - and obviously super brilliant. Did you know your intelligence genes come from your mother? You lucky boy...

My maternity book says, "these days you may feel as if you've got a flamethrower in your chest." Fact. Also accurate - lack of sleep, more middle-of-the-night bathroom breaks, bleeding gums and return of fatigue and moodiness. I'm also nesting and find it extremely satisfying to scrub the interior of my car, wash the mini-blinds and clean out the filing cabinets at work. How that last one benefits you, I'm not sure. But the euphoria that it's all happening so soon and those little feet bulging near my belly button will soon be on the outside is making everything lots of fun.

We had our first baby shower this weekend. It was perfect and seeing those teeny tiny cloth diapers sent a shock of excitement into me! Or maybe you moved your head on my nerve again - either one. I promise that despite the fact you don't have a crib put together, no bottles and only a few clothes we will figure it all out before you arrive.

Love, love, LOVE you.
Mama

showered with love and diapers

I had my first baby shower this weekend hosted by a wonderful friend from church. The gift part of the shower was nice considering how much stuff babies apparently need. I definitely left feeling a tiny bit more prepared but more importantly feeling special, revived and supported in this next chapter of our lives.

Laura made these adorable invitations - diapers with real Velcro - to go with the cloth diapering theme and teal colors of our nursery.

And the decor and food matched perfectly including a cloth diaper cake!

The guests were encouraged to fill out blank diapers with advice or support that we can read in weak moments of screaming, dirty diapers, no sleep and mountains of laundry.

We went home with a great start on our cloth diapering collection including these teeeeny tiny newborn diapers, which made me super excited to meet the little guy and his tiny little tush. We went home with a stash of one-size diapers, diaper sprayer, baby powder, cute books (including one in Russian), booster seat, hooded towels, nursing pillow and toys. My friend and master knitter Johanna made a special K-State purple sweater, which will fit perfectly for fall football games.

My mom and grandma were both able to attend and went home feeling extra special, too.

I'm lucky to have all these lovely ladies a part of my life knowing that embarking on motherhood won't be a lonely process.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

the one with to-do lists

I started writing this post with to-do list for the next 11 weeks. Then I got a knot in my stomach and almost threw up my peanut butter crackers, especially when I got to the part about packing a hospital bag. What? Didn't I just pee on a stick last week? It's JUNE? Are you kidding me?!

So in the spirit of making life manageable, my (pay attention, Shea) to-do list for June.

29 weeks

 
Baby boy,

We're in the last week of the 20s. Wow, time sure does fly. You're the size of a butternut squash this week - close to three pounds and 15 inches long. You're going to double, almost triple, your weight in the next 11 weeks.  I don't understand where all that is going to go but I suppose those maternity clothes that seem baggy right now will be a distant memory.

We're both going to gain the most weight in the next few months. I'm not feeling any hungrier really, though. If anything, I have less of an appetite. Last week you sat on my sciatic nerve for a day. Ouch, little man. We can more or less figure out where your head and feet are now, and we poke and prod you every night getting you to respond to our touch. Daddy thinks we're annoying you. I think we're just playing. Either way, I figure you'll get me back over the next six months.

I've been feeling great. Heartburn has subsided as long as I eat small, protein-rich meals, and I'm much more energetic thanks to iron pills. When I first found out about you, everyone kept talking about how a third trimester in the heat of summer would be a challenge. I love the 100-degree Kansas heat so I didn't blink an eye at a large belly and the rising mercury. Let's just say after a weekend of 96-degrees, I now understand.

I can't believe in 11 weeks you'll be with us wherever we go!

Love you,
Mama

28 weeks

Baby boy,

You're the size of an eggplant this week or about 16 inches and over two pounds. You're brain is continuing to develop rapidly (that's my boy!), and you're putting on fat. So much that you've doubled in weight in the last month. Your head is down near the exit as you start to get ready for your birthday.

Mama is exhausted. Partially from normal pregnancy and partially from pregnancy-induced anemia. I need more iron to make the 50 percent more blood I've made. You need iron, too, and frankly I don't have enough to go around. Also new this week is consistent heartburn after eating - well, anything. This weekend I had a pudding cup and water which brought on surprising discomfort. Add watermelon, veggies, crackers, yogurt, noodles and apples to that list. This is by far my least favorite pregnancy symptom.

We've started to be able to discern the bulges in my stomach as distinct feet or knees.You respond to poking or even just a hand hiding the light. It makes us so anxious to meet you! You met your great grandma this week, too. She's very excited to meet you on the outside but that didn't stop her from showering you with kisses already. You're going to love her.

I can't believe how close we are to becoming a family of three. We can't wait.

Much love,
Mama

almost famous

We made our gender reveal video only to show our parents and other family members since they are both far away. Plus making pink and blue cupcakes is a lot of work.

Guess some other people liked it too: Yahoo: 6 awesome baby gender reveals. Check out No. 5!

It also got picked up by a pro-life blogger.

Sweet!

panic onward

My nursery has a white dresser. And a mobile in a box. Paint cans. Towels soaked with dog pee. And a box of pill bottles. Some days I think this means I have failed as a mother already. Other days I think baby stuff pretty much stinks. I have zero desire to even buy a swing or bouncy seat. Because it's so big. And annoying. And a waste of money. All he needs is a crib. Diapers. And love. Except a $450 jogging stroller. That's definitely a need. Last night I was crying. Because I'm worried my marriage will suffer. And that I will actually care that I can't jump on a plane to Cabo tomorrow. As if I have ever done that.Then the baby boy jammed his head against my sciatic nerve. As if to remind me he does not want to go to Cabo. He's getting bigger and moving low. Which freaks me out. Because as I told my midwife, I'm most scared of tearing. Without drugs. Tearing and my body should not be in the same sentence. Tearing is for paper. Then I think about how when I am laboring at home I want peanut butter. On a spoon. And maybe some cheese cubes. I'm reverting back to the first trimester. I'm nauseated. My stomach has lost the fight for space. I am exhausted. Not just a little tired. Bone-crushing exhaustion. My back aches. And my nipples are sore. It's the truth, deal with it. And whatever little ligament connects my hips to my pelvis. That hurts. Despite this, I love pregnancy. I will miss the kicks. And the looks of endearment from strangers. And people not letting me lift anything because, you know, the baby. Who is coming in less than three months. But he still has like five pounds to gain. I don't think he will fit. Or my stomach might bust open. I'm not ready. I don't have a daycare. Or a pediatrician. Nor did I realize I needed one before there is a baby. I have window sills with dust and cobwebs. A basement with no washer or dryer. A broken bedroom window. A nursery with only a dresser. And pee-soaked towels.