part four: reception

We danced to our first song, That's All by Frank Sinatra, immediately after our entrance. It worked out well instead of trying to do it while everyone was already eating and chatting.

We had an appetizer buffet because I'm not a large fan of sitdown dinners. The food is never as good as what you pay for and the reception lulls itself into a food coma. So we stuffed appetizers (delicious) down our throats and started to make the rounds. The toasts were great and appropriately included K-State apparel.

I danced with my dad to Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. (Click at your own risk. Tearjerker!)

We danced. And danced. And danced. The DJ even extended his time by 45 minutes because our group just kept on dancing. Especially my mom. Isn't she cute?

And then we drove away, and it was all over faster than I wanted. Everything didn't go exactly as planned despite my charts and graphs. But I can honestly say that not one of them mattered. What they tell you is true - all that mattered at the end of the day was Shea and I. Husband and wife.

Read the rest of the story: part 1: it begins, part 2: red shoes, part 3: the big day

part three: the big day

The morning of the wedding I got up early and sat at my parent's kitchen island to write. One of the special things we wanted to include in our wedding were letters. During our dating and engagement, I wrote a letter to Shea and hid it in his suitcase for every (almost weekly) business trip. Shea proposed to me through a series of letters. And that morning, we both got up early to write how we felt in the hours before we said I do. During our unity ceremony, we placed the letters in a wooden box that now sits on a nightstand until it's opened on our 25th anniversary.

Another one of my great memories from the wedding was sitting on my back porch with my closest girl friends. They told stories, laughed and just hung out.

After hair and makeup, we all met at the church I grew up in to get ready. We started to put on my dress; team effort!

Most pictures courtesy of Donnert Photography.
Check them out, they're cool.

Only to realize that a crucial "privacy patch" was missing. My superstar friend Johanna raced to her car and up the street to the shop who steamed my dress. Bridesmaid Edie, who is a gentle and quiet spirit, was on the phone with the store: "I don't care if you can't find it! We don't have it, and this wedding starts in one hour. FIND SOMETHING."

I got lost in my Black-Eyed Peas lyrics until Johanna came back, patch in hand. And the perfect day resumed.

We ate snacky things for lunch and I drank Gatorade until I got nauseated. I didn't expect the nerves at all. But I was shaking.

Shea and I originally didn't want to see each other before the ceremony. But slowly through the planning process, we realized the timing wouldn't work for us to still respect our guests' time. I never regretted the decision. We had our first look at the chapel across the street from our church complete with a a grand, red carpeted staircase. The emotion that was threatening to show itself all over my dress and make-upped face got to come out then and not in front of 300 people.  Instead, completely raw, unreserved emotion.

And of course followed by tons of pictures.

We spent more time planning the ceremony then we did the reception. And I think it showed. We wrote our own vows and then said the traditional ones.

Instead of a candle, we combined soil from Minnesota and Kansas. Both our dads work with agriculture, so it  worked. Plus it gave my dad something to do as he sifted the soil the night before the ceremony.

We had this CS Lewis quote read by my Grandma and this wedding poem by Robert Fulghum read by Shea's grandparents. Our friends sang this song. We danced down the aisle to Walking on Sunshine, and as cheesy as it sounds, I have never felt more alive.

After a shower of bubbles, we drove away in an old Cadillac complete with charming driver. We were lucky that our very close family friends (really, just family) are professional photographers. The hour between the ceremony and reception was ours to laugh and smile.

We arrived at the reception site to find our wedding party in their own holding party room feeling quite toasty!

part two: red shoes and a bursting heart

We worked really hard to make our wedding a Shea and Sarah one.We used a polka dot theme for our save the date and invitations. We designed and wrote our own program - newspaper style.

My most favorite decor touch though was red shoes. First, I decided I wanted to wear red shoes because we were using red accents with our black and white theme. Then I asked the bridesmaids to buy red shoes. Then my mom wanted to wear red shoes. Eventually we included a card with the invitation inviting our guests to wear their "ruby slippers" to our Kansas wedding.

Our amazing decorator incorporated this into our cake display. (See the shoes?!)

After a day of golfing for Shea and nails for me, I met Shea back at the reception site to construct our candy buffet. I had my first freak out after realizing no one had made my ribbon bouquet for the rehearsal in one hour. I know, super important. My mom was too busy and stressed to do it and deal with my frantic and totally misplaced tears. But magically (magically she got a call from my mom) Ashley, my personal attendant, came to the rescue.

The rehearsal was the first time I saw everyone that had arrived. Everything did not go perfectly. People were late. People were huge jerks self-centered. People talked during the instructions despite my best only-child glare. The musicians couldn't all be there. We forgot the flower girl basket. On the upside, I loved my Anthropologie dress.

As we drove away, I was ready to fight frustrated but was quickly redeemed. I have never felt so loved as I did at the rehearsal dinner. It was the unexpected, completely amazing chapter of the wedding week. We had a Kansas themed barbecue and sunflower dinner. My favorite.

My dad gave a speech followed with my mom. They told the stories of me trying to convince the school board that I should not have to drop orchestra, Spanish or journalism because they required me to take gym especially something called "Net Sports." They talked about when I returned a few years later to convince the same school board that the high school's Indian mascot was racist. Or five years later when I sued my university in federal court for First Amendment violations.

Then Randy, close enough to be a father, talked about how I don't just participate, I lead. He had examples I had even forgotten. He talked about my influence in his kids' lives. How everything Layne did was because I had done it. Next to me was Layne, who gripped my hand as the tears poured down my face.

There were friends who remembered coffee shop dates chatting about boys. Shea's friends who talked about his habit of labeling kitchen cabinets or his antics at work. Layne and Chris who remembered our countless mac and cheese lunches. The speeches went on for hours, and I thought my heart would burst from my chest.

All good things come to an end, at least for the night. We drove back to my parent's house to pack our wedding night bag and then get Shea to the hotel. I commented as we drove home that my car just felt funny. We went inside to organize and came back at midnight so I could sleepily drive Shea to the hotel.

And my car would not start. Not even a sputter. My dad averted disaster and drove Shea to the hotel, as I resumed panicking and chowed down a melatonin pill.

part one: it begins

There are times when I come to those moments. The ones where it hits me that this moment is the one I've talked about my whole life. I remember in high school just wanting to know my future last name so that I knew when I met him. I remember convincing myself in college that it was OK if I ended up single - think of all the good I could do in the world with all my free time!

Then suddenly I was trying on white dresses. Picking out flowers. Getting rings sized and cleaned. Having showers, a bachelorette party and "let's all tie ribbons on tubes of bubbles" parties. The comments I had made my whole life like "when I get married," "when I meet my husband," or "my wedding" - it was actually happening despite the fact I still felt 10 years old inside.

Sometimes I panic that I will forget the details, how I felt in certain moments, what people said. I keep saying "we need to write it all down" before we forget. So that's what I'm going to do this week in honor of our one-year anniversary on Sunday.

Wednesday night was actually one of my best memories of the whole weekend. It was one of the few, stress-free moments I got to spend with my parents - just being their only daughter. My parents had been taking dance lessons and after practicing their learned dances along with our father-daughter dance, Shea made sure my parents knew the electric slide.

Shea also got his first look at my parent's basement. Now being a true relative, though a few days shy, he was allowed to enter this dark land, where my mother bans all others.

Thursday night we got to spend time with friends before the craziness began - most of them driving eight hours from Minnesota to be there. We grilled at my parents house. Ate smores. Eventually headed to my old college bars where the wedding party was shocked to find $1 beers. Thank you, college town.

I went to bed that night knowing that the next two days would be fun, but really failing to understand how amazing they would be.

tis the season for bubbles and white gowns

Tis the wedding season! We're headed to Minnesota this weekend for the first of seven. Ours was only nine months ago but it's interesting how I already have a different perspective on weddings.

Things I would have changed.
I would have video-taped the rehearsal dinner. I know, weird, but our dinner turned into a speech-fest. In that two hours, I do not think I've felt more loved in my entire life. Also would have brought more kleenex.

We love all our attendants, and they were all wonderful and fabulous every step of the way. These people can make or break your planning experience. They get you Starbucks on your wedding day, create a no-drama bubble of protection, hold your hand during toasts and teach you to suck through an imaginary straw so you don't cry. But we would have probably considered different factors when choosing who would stand up for us from the beginning. There are friends of the moment and friends forever. Friends that are tied to you by blood and those who may not be family, but feel closer than that. But, relationships change so much at our age -  a fact neither of us really considered.

I would have bought less bubbles. Seriously.

I would have checked to make sure that the "modesty patch" that went in the back of my dress was there when I picked it up from being steamed. Doing that would have made sure my heroic friend Johanna didn't have to book it six blocks, five minutes before photos so that my butt crack wasn't showing.

Things I'm glad we chose.
We chose to see each other before the ceremony - something I was extremely unsure about. It was a courtesy to our guests who were already giving us so much. But also for each other. It meant less stress and less ugly-crying face in pictures. And I assure you the moment when I saw Shea as I walked down the aisle was no less special or emotional. I was just more lucid to be able to take it all in. And the 45 minutes we had together for pictures after the ceremony was perfect and fun. And one of the few "just us" moments we got those three days.

No kids under three. We provided a babysitter for the kids that did attend because we love their parents and wanted them there. And we welcomed them to the reception complete with a candy buffet. But the majority of our wedding planning went into the short 30 minutes we got to stand at the altar. It was the reason for the day, and in a hot, quiet church, the last memory I wanted was a baby crying during our vows. Those are the best, and most important, 30 minutes of my life. And I am glad I protected them.

We had breakfast with our families the next morning. It's one of my favorite memories because in the flurry of the day, there were things I missed. Compliments I didn't get to hear. Crazy stories I wasn't present for (layne elizabeth). So while still in the emotion of the day, we got to hear everything. And it was the perfect ending.

In the end, the flowers were beautiful, I weighed the perfect amount, the food was tasty, the cupcakes delicious, the colors complimentary. Not because I did a good job planning, but because they were good enough to not be a problem. Because what mattered at the end of the day was we left as husband and wife.

I hope this summer's wedding couples have the experience we did. I hope it's the very best day of your life. I hope you are overwhelmed with joy. I hope you feel loved by so many people from all stages in your life. I hope you realize the seriousness of the commitment you are making. I hope you know you are beautiful because even if you didn't lose all the weight you wanted or get the toned triceps you hoped for, a bride is always the most beautiful person in the room. I hope you are sincerely grateful to all the friends and family that helped make this day possible for you and the sacrifices they are making.

And most of all, I hope that this day is the day in which you love your spouse the least. I hope that every single day after this your love only grows. And I hope that at the end of this amazing day when your adrenaline finally runs out and you are alone together, you don't have a single doubt that this is where you belong. Forever.

Breaking the chains of planning

For the first time since the wedding, I feel a sense of relief not to be planning one.

There are days when I really miss the wedding. A lot. I loved planning some of the unique details of the reception. I loved planning the ceremony to making it the most meaningful part of the day. I loved talking through it with my mom every day after work. Some days, I secretly get out the wedding video and watch it, cry a little and then put it back on the shelf. It was the best day of my life, no competition. And some days, my heart aches that I'll never get to experience that day again. Because it was perfect. I still remember almost every little moment. Those are for another post, however.

I thought when I heard the plans of the FIVE weddings we have this summer I would feel sad. Instead, I am so glad it's not me. There were so many decisions we had to make that neither of us cared about. There were too many times we had to remind ourselves that the only thing that mattered at the end of the day was that we were united, forever. There were so many people that tried to make our day about themselves.

Now almost seven months later, there is extreme relief of independence. At the end of the day, we just have to make each other happy. Nobody cares what flowers I buy (if I ever bought them..), what cake we eat, what dinner we serve, or if our beer is tasty.

Together, we can do whatever we want. So this weekend the most productive we were was the hour at the gym and the hour at church. Otherwise, we spent countless hours watching LOST and basketball while eating nachos and drinking beer in bed.

Because now we can.

Post-wedding registry

I've been learning to cook more because it's cheap and staying home all day requires a really good hobby to stay sane. Especially when it takes me three hours to watch a 20-minute show on instant Netflix because our Internet connection is just that bad.

So, I've greatly utilized my wedding gifts even the cookie press (though probably not very successfully) and all four of our amazing cutting boards.


However, the more I cook, the more tools I do not have and have to use my very amateur skills to improvize.

Garlic press: I buy real garlic. Crack the cloves, peel off the layers. And then ever so painfully try to mince  garlic with a chopping knife.This does not work as well as when I went to a dear friend's house and watched her four-year-old pop a garlic clove into the press and ta-da!


Extra loaf pans: I have one. From college. They are probably $1.50 at Target but I suffer with one, which means my new adventure in bread making is cut short because it seems all my recipes make two loaves. So instead I bake one while the other ball of dough quadruples in size.

Dutch oven: I don't even know why this is different from pan, but a very popular tool with the recipe folk.


*Note to Shea: The above items are available at your local Crate and Barrel store.


I don't think we got anything on our list that we regretted. However, now that I am a guest of weddings rather than a planner, I refuse to buy friends any of the following, and thank goodness we never got any of it.


Margarita or martini glasses, champagne flutes: We cannot fit all our barware in our bar or cabinets. So, half of it is in boxes. We only drink margaritas while at a Mexican restaurant. And I am pretty sure we'll never be serving them to people who can't stand the thought of a margarita in a normal glass. Champagne flutes?  Really awesome if someone makes them from hand for you. Regular, generic ones? Unnecessary due to New Years Eve 2008.


China patterns: We got two sets of dishes. We love both and only use one for now. By the time I am serving a fancy enough dinner where Crate and Barrel plates won't cut it, I'll be able to borrow the China dishes passed down from the women in my family.And by then, we can trick my mom into giving us the walnut cabinet for storage.

Coasters, candles, vases: We get candles for $2 at Kohls during their weekly dirt-cheap sales. The rest of my candles I don't burn because they are too pretty. And, coasters are only helpful if you commit to actually cleaning your coffee table, which is glass, which is the worst thing to clean.


Hands-down best wedding gifts, you ask?
Really good pots and pans
Sharp knives (what a concept?!)

Silverware, dishes and glasses we picked out
Mixing bowls
Homemade cutting boards, aprons, potholders and tablecloths