more budget

I've gotten a couple questions regarding our budgeting process since we've paid of some major debt. Here's what has worked for us.

1. Write it down.
We are not perfect with tracking this but we have our budget spelled out to the dollar using this document. Ideally I would be then adding everything to the sheet instead of keeping vague running totals in my head. Knowing the parameters though of what we have left after fixed payments works of us. I am not so strict though that I go through my Target receipts to separate out personal supplies and groceries.

2. Get friendly with the bank.
Twice a month money is automatically taken out of our checking account (where paychecks are deposited) and   distributed to our other three accounts. The most goes into our money market account which we use as our future house down payment savings and grad school tuition payments. We never pull money out of this account.

Next is our emergency fund. We use this for things like car repairs, medical expenses or other unexpected bills. It makes it easier to pay them knowing "that's what the emergency fund is for."

Last is our travel fund. If we had all our money together, we'd never spend it on travel because it'd take away from our house down payment or set us back in other savings. But travel is something we've determined is a priority for our family so we have our fund. It gets about $200/month which really does add up fast. Knowing it's designated for travel makes it easier to use. Dave Ramsey would tell me I shouldn't travel while we still have student loan debt. I would tell him to zip it.

3. Be ready to sacrifice.
Initially budgeting was hard. It was all this money we were putting off limits. But now that we've been doing it almost three years, I forget we even have that money. Because we made the sacrifice initially, it was easier to just take the money we used to pay off our second mortgage and put it toward the highest interest student loan. We didn't allow ourselves to experience a month with a couple thousand extra dollars.

We still go out to eat, but we budgeted for that. I still can buy a new dress, but it's budgeted. We no longer spend in excess on clothes we don't need or updates on our stuff that really could wait. We don't have extra luxuries like cable or gym memberships but I can honestly say our marriage has benefited.

4. Snowball effect
It works. You pay off one bill, transfer that money to another bill and so on. Because we are comfortable with the level we're living at, as we have made more money it goes toward debt. It also allowed us to start a college fund for Henry and set up two life insurance funds as soon as we became parents without any real extra sacrifice in our monthly budget.

5. Attitude
Sometimes I get really jealous when other people are buying huge houses at our age, buying new cars or going to concerts every weekend. (that's a lie, I hate concerts) But, if Dave Ramsey taught me anything it's "Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else." There will be a day in the not too distant future, where we will be living debt free. But we'll know how to live within our means and maintain a budget no matter what our bottom line.

when it's hard

My sister-in-law, Shannon, gave birth to a beautiful girl yesterday. In looking at her newborn pictures and then back at my smiley, 12-pound baby I realized how far we've come.


People told me it'd be hard at first. I didn't truly believe them. I'm a confident, multi-tasking woman. I could do this. Which, I did. But not because I was so confident or that my multi-tasking skills matched the situation.

Shannon, here's what I realized in my 20/20 hindsight based on my experience (plus the best advice I received from people smarter than me), which could be totally opposite from yours. So take it for what it's worth, as if you have time to read blogs right now anyway.

When I was home from the hospital, I suddenly desperately wanted to go back. There were nurses there who took care of my baby so I could sleep. I had food (albeit, gross food) delivered to my bed with one ring of the phone. The bed moved up and down for nursing. I didn't have to decide what was normal when Henry turned red, felt hot, unlatched quickly, etc. People visited with pretty flowers and balloons. And then I went home, and it was a much more challenging place. Especially when Shea went back to work and my mom went home. 

You will cry. A lot. For lots of reasons and for absolutely no reason. It's totally normal but really not fun. If it continues, don't be afraid to tell your doctor. I did.

There will be a time when a Target run does not seem like an insurmountable task.

You'll experience pain that only women who just gave birth can. Your lady parts hurt (yay, Tucks). Your uterus is contracting back to its normal size in an ever so painful way. Your nipples are raw and nursing can bring on toe-curling pain. Things got better but I didn't feel totally healed for a month. And then there are some things that have just become my new normal.

You'll forget the pain of labor. Really, really quickly.

Your husband is great. Your mother is better.

Visitors should bring food. And not the number one combo from McDonalds. Real food from a private kitchen. Then they should drop it off, hold your baby a little, tell you she is the cutest baby ever made and leave.

When people offer to bring you said food, go to the pharmacy for you, vacuum your floors or hold baby so you can sleep, say YES.

You love your baby but don't feel guilty if you aren't in love. She is perfect and wonderful but a foreigner you don't know yet. The all-consuming love comes with time (and toothless grins).

Everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps, which you should if you can. I couldn't. I wanted to do things like do laundry or scan through Facebook because it made me feel normal. You should not follow my example. Sleep.

I had all these rules for my mothering. I didn't want to use pacifiers. I absolutely would not co-sleep. I would use cloth diapers from day one. I would not let emails go unanswered for weeks. I should have listened to my wise mom friends and realized that no matter how strong my intentions were, they changed. Because I just had to survive. Ten weeks later, I am still just surviving - but in a better, more sane way.

When you've reached your limit and she's been crying for hours, it's OK to put her in her crib and walk away for a bit. Take a shower, cry, stick your head out the window to suck in fresh air. 

Lower your standards for a successful day. If you take a shower and eat, that's success for awhile.

Listen to all the advice people (like me) will give you. Then remember whatever you do is best because you're the mom and therefore the boss.

And when you're Googling "does this get better" at 3 a.m., know that it does. I promise.

finding a love for healthy food

Like anyone needs to read another thing about dieting. That being said, in the last year we've really developed a rhythm of eating healthy. So to continue eliminating lame excuses, here are the battles I face and why they don't need to be so tough.

Breakfast isn't that important. 
I always thought when I didn't eat breakfast and ate a small lunch that I was doing myself a favor. After all, that's a lot of calories I am eliminating. Turns out, I actually lost weight when I ate breakfast because my body wasn't freaking out that I would lose my wagon's food supply while fording the river. I had to find my magic calorie range that made my metabolism confident it was in good hands. One of my motivations for running in the morning is that I have time when I get home for an awesome breakfast. My favorites: poached egg, half an English muffin with peanut butter and cut up bananas or old fashioned oatmeal with almonds and brown sugar.

I'll start eating healthy tomorrow.
Except you'll say that the day after tomorrow, too. And you've probably been saying that for years. Adding just 100 calories each day will give you 10 more pounds on the scale at the end of the year. That's two cookies, a piece of sliced cheese or a handful of chips. Plus as the years increase, the metabolism decreases. Five years ago I could put away five pieces of pizza and a Dr. Pepper and never gain a pound. Now after a weekend of crap eating, I'm up by three or four pounds. Word on the street is it only gets worse.

As long as it's healthy, I can eat as much as I want.
This is my biggest trap. I'll make whole wheat spaghetti, and then eat double what I would normally. Although it's better when it comes to categorizing carbs and providing energy during my morning run, it's not really any less caloric. Then I try to bargain with myself. "Well I had an apple for lunch so I can have this cupcake for dinner." Which, I can. But, it's all about the bottom line. If I go over my body's calorie needs, I will gain weight. I can run off a cupcake in the morning but two servings of spaghetti plus garlic bread is more than I can run before I have to get to work. So I play tricks on myself. I put away the leftovers before we sit down to the table. I use salad plates instead of dinner ones. I send cupcakes to work with Shea so we only have a few for ourselves. And we just don't buy junk. No cookies in plastic trays, no boxes of crackers (surprisingly horrrrrible for you), bags of chips or juices/sodas. I don't miss it either, and now I've even been known to crave fruit. The thought! 

I don't like how healthy food tastes.
I LOVE healthy food, now that I know what to do with it. I'd never cooked with butternut squash, kale, turnip greens, fresh herbs, whole wheat flour or  ground turkey before this year. But I've learned how to delete and replace. I much prefer the taste of whole wheat to white. I can't tell a different between egg whites or margarine and their higher-fat counterparts. And if it will make a difference? I just don't make it, at least not often. Aside from spaghetti and turkey burgers, I haven't made the same recipe twice in a month. That's how many healthy ones there are out there!

I'd rather enjoy my life than live longer.
I would argue that we enjoy life more now that we're eating healthy and working out. Earlier this week, we went to Coldstone Creamery. But instead of ice cream, I got fat-free sorbet (only 160 calories) with chocolate chips. I don't miss fast food. When I eat healthy, I truly do feel better. My skin looks healthier. I have more energy. I don't get bloated (except when I eat carrots). And when we do get dessert or go on a Sonic run, it tastes 10 times better. Plus, I am more confident and when Shea tells me I have a sexy bod, I believe it.

you are not too tired

The more committed we get to working out and eating better, the more I notice lame excuses for eating junk and being lazy. I wouldn't really call us disciplined - I spend way too much time on Facebook and watching Arrested Development for that to be true. And it's not like we don't have cravings or get tired. We do. But we've decided it's important to us and really, we just feel really amazing when we work out consistently, and who doesn't want to feel amazing?!

So, on your quest to be amazing, let me render your excuses lame.

I don't have time to work out.

Even though the exercise recommendations can be intimidating, every little bit helps. Walking on your lunch break, taking the dog around the neighborhood to do his business rather than right outside the front door. Bonus: He pees on someone else's grass! I'm a strong believer in creating a routine, and for us that's worked out to be 5:45 a.m. - 7 a.m. is exercise time. What would we be doing otherwise? Going out with friends and seeing movies? Working? I don't think so!

A gym membership is too expensive.

Luckily God created the outside. And exercise DVDs. And Wii fits. And magazines and books that tell you workouts you can do in  your living room. Then there are the walking trails, swimming pools and backyards. Plus, large bouncing balls. Often gym memberships aren't that bad. We pay $35/month for two of us. I know people who pay less than $20. If you're cutting out the chips, crackers and cookies anyway, there's your membership fee!

I work hard enough in my everyday life.

You probably don't. Even with our amateur running routine, we struggle to create the calorie deficit needed to lose weight, and we run 45 minutes five days a week, at least! The American College of Sports Medicine says you need at least 50 minutes of exercise five days a week to lose any weight. If you're just looking to maintain, you still need 30 minutes each day, and that's only if you're eating the right amount of calories. Which, you're probably not. (more on this tomorrow) The Institute of Medicine actually recommends 60 minutes per day. That's moderate exercise, which means at least walking, and it doesn't count if you're walking toward a candy aisle. Bottom line: going about your daily life is probably not enough unless you've really worked at creating exercise in your normal activities. The guidelines change every year but you'll never hear that you actually need less exercise. You can stop waiting for that one.

I'm too tired!
Perhaps valid, but Mayo Clinic (the royalty of health care) would tell you that exercise actually gives you MORE energy and makes you sleep BETTER. It's true for me. When I don't work out, I want to sleep at my desk. Sleepiness makes me want to eat things like Doritos. And since I don't have Doritos, that would require me to go to a gas station to buy some, which is a waste of money and gas and calories. And when I don't work out, I watch TV til 11 p.m. because I am not tired. And then I am too tired to work out the next morning. Then? I get fat.

It hurts too much.
Yep! But then it won't as much and then it won't at all. And when it does, you'll actually like it. Unless you have old running shoes like me and your toes won't uncurl. Reversible don't worry. Running shoe store here I come! If running hurts, then start by walking fast. If walking fast hurts, then walk slow. If walking hurts, then swim or bike or lie in bed and kick your legs up in the air. 

I just need to go on a diet.
What you eat IS more important than what you do for exercise if you're trying to just lose pounds. But, dieting alone won't do it. A study done this year showed that combined with a good diet, exercise was a key factor in weight loss. When you reduce calories but don't work out, your body actually slows down to conserve energy because it thinks there is a potato famine. This study was done on monkeys not the usual rats. Totally more legit.

See you on the other side of lazy ;)