finding more happiness

Photo via Flickr Creative Commons, user: tanaise

It's not that I am not happy. I am. But I could be happier.

There are things I let into my life that chip away at the happy I could be. Whether it's little things like when I want Tupperware I have to dig for 10 minutes looking for the corresponding lid or big things like a a bad attitude about my traveling husband, they affect me.

Over the holidays, I read "Happier at Home" by Gretchen Rubin, the Happiness Project guru. (Random sidebar: Rubin grew up three blocks from where we live right now. See? Destiny.) She addresses everything from the decor of her home, celebrating holidays, her attitude about her husband never telling her good job and the "mean face" she gives when her kids interrupt her.  I was super inspired to start my own home happiness project because I have a mean face that I am pretty sure can rival hers.

I've divided out my happiness focus into months but reserving the right to change topics as life changes.I also had to set some ground rules, mostly adopted from Rubin's book but also a few of my own.

The Rules
1. My happiness tasks cannot rely on anyone else but me.
I'd be happier if the hubs cleaned the litter pans twice a week, but I can't really control the success of that task so it's not on the list.

2. The tasks should not turn into a really long to-do list that makes me stressed.
It has to contribute to long-term happiness, not the short-term happiness of having my floors clean. Getting rid of our flea infestation would definitely make me happier for the rest of my life so it counts.

3.  I will give myself grace.
If I vow to not give the mean face, and I do - I'll try harder tomorrow. The happiness project should not send me to a therapist for a guilt complex.

First up in January: Reducing the Chaos!

Oh, hello there

In an effort to be more in the moment, I've neglected this blog, my cell phone charger (leading to much scolding from my husband and mother) and washing my floors.

The last month has thrown me for a loop.

I've battled my stress fracture with happy avoidance leading to unhappy pain. My new year resolutions won't include running a marathon this month, but just figuring out a way to use my crutches so my darned foot will heal. 

I've been haunted, as most of us are, by the events in Newtown. I've been fearful, deeply saddened and motivated to not take my days with H for granted.

I read Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin and have resolved to spend some time at a coffee shop this month mapping out my own happiness project. I'm really motivated about her simple approach.

In fact, I really need to spend more time writing at coffee shops.

I'll be back. But first, there is a little boy who has never played in the snow waiting for me.

shut down

A week and a half ago, I ran 18 miles. The farthest I have ever run and only six weeks, just two long training runs short of the marathon.

My foot started hurting but a short one without much pain. It was sore and a little stabby but three and a half hours of running would do that to a foot.

But then it kept getting worse to the point I was having trouble falling asleep because the pain was so intense.  - before the Vicodin that is. A visit to the doctor got me an order for an MRI to detect either soft tissue injury or a stress fracture. But, turns out the MRI would cost us at least $700, which most likely the same result - me not running. A stress fracture means no running and soft tissue means only run if it doesn't hurt. And people, it hurts.

I decided to forgo the expensive test and face the facts there will be no Jan. 20 marathon. The doctor has given me four days to soak my foot in a ice bucket five times a day. If no improvement, this foot is in a cast come Monday.

It is way more defeating than I expected. Once the decision was made, the tears flowed. The thought of starting this journey all over again makes me feel angry. The cold early mornings, the weekend afternoons sacrificed to shoes and pavement, all to be done over again.

I'm positive there is a marathon finish line in my future. Just not this one.

Sulk.

halfway through and a half

This weekend I ran the North Face Endurance Challenge Half Marathon in Kansas City. The North Face race series features mostly trail races but added the road challenge in KC last year. They tried it out in August last year and probably discovered that asking people to be outside, let alone run outside, in August was a huge mistake.

So this year, the November date meant temperatures of 39 degrees at the start, which is a completely ambiguous temperature for running clothes. I started my morning with a slice of peanut butter toast and half a banana. And of course, coffee.

We stood in line for the potty as our wave wasn't supposed to start til 7:16 a.m. Race organizers decided to start everyone at once though and by the time we got to the starting line, the half marathon was gone. Sigh.

The course was SUPER hilly. Kansas City races are notorious hilly but this was a combo of the worst. My stomach felt great and it wasn't til the last mile that my hips were burning. The IT band held up just fine.

Seriously fun though. The last half I ran, I did alone. This one I got to talk to my friend Wendy the entire way. Much more tolerable. Also didn't hurt to have my parents, the hubs and of course the cutest fan ever to cheer me on.

I have no idea fast  slow I finished because the chip time shows everyone starting at the same time. Which we know isn't true. Everyone also complained the course was a half mile too long. Luckily this was for race experience and not the end goal.

The half also marks the second half of my full marathon training. To be honest, I am tired. And slightly bored. The mid-week runs are up to 4-8-4 and my next long run is a 17-miler on Sunday. It takes so much time and energy that it's making me cranky. But the thought of starting all over again, is a much less appealing option.

So I'll keep on plugging away. Eight miles tomorrow, 17 on Sunday. Bring it on.

a new path

When Henry was a wee little baby, my full-time job was like a mini-vacation from a world of spit-up, diaper laundry, offensive smells and exhaustion with no distraction.

But as he's gotten older, the daycare drop off is less like the beginning of relief and more like a knot in my stomach. His personality, sense of humor and development is unfolding right before my eyes in the too few waking hours I get with him.

I admire the moms who can work, keep their houses clean, dinner on the table, bills paid, husbands happy and maintain inner sanity. For me, it just isn't possible, especially when you throw in marathon training and finishing up my master's degree. The days are exhausting and unfulfilling.

So last week I turned in my resignation letter, and accepted a 18-hour/week job. Still in my same general field which will allow me to continue growing career-wise with a great company but scale it back to spend more time with Henry and work on that whole balance thing. I am definitely blessed that financially we can take the hit after years of intense saving and debt eliminating.

I've struggled through the whole process of what it means for who I am. Now being a part-time worker, part-time stay at home is a mental shift I haven't fully grasped yet. For a Type Aer like me, diving into this world of ambiguity is scary.

But I'm excited to take the leap.

premature aging

Holy what?! I went to confirm my registration in the North Face Endurance Half Marathon and saw this.

And suddenly realized that I, in fact, will be 30 on race day.

And then I had a little freak out.

the value of rest (and stretching)

I took 10 days off running.

My hip hurt. When my hip hurt, my knee hurt. And sometimes when my knee hurt, my ankle and toes hurt too. And most of my highly qualified internet diagnoses included the warning, "do not try to run through the pain."

So I finally listed and stopped. For 10 whole days, I thought about what was going wrong.

1. I suck at mid-week runs. I am busy in the evenings, the mornings are hard not that it's dark and when the hubs is out of town, I have to stick with Henry. When I don't do the mid-week runs I need to do and only do long runs, it's forcing my body to do way more than it's really strong enough for yet. Even though I can run nine miles just fine.

2. I don't like stretching. I do the obligatory ones at the end of my run, but I don't really stretch the way I should. So now, I have a trusty foam roller to help with my IT band and have spent more time doing the long, slow stretches my body needs to recover.

3. I don't cross-train regularly. It's starting to sound like I am a marathon training disaster. But, rewind to the busyness, it's really hard to get my runs in AND cross-train other than a long walk with the fam. I have a free gym membership with my grad student status, so I think it's high time I get acquainted with a gym.

I ran 8 miles Sunday on the most gorgeous fall day in Kansas City ever so I'm back on track, hopefully.

I'm getting excited for the North Face half marathon in just 32 days! KC Friends, if you haven't registered, the price goes up Wednesday.