Thursday, July 5, 2012

weaning hormones

Henry has started to wean.

The last three nights he has gone to bed with his daddy. He reads a book, cuddles in close and falls right asleep. He didn't need to nurse to calm down, he just did it all on his own.

I was so relieved to be done pumping and also still able to nurse a few times a day that I didn't have time to think about when the last time might be.  Lately he nurses for a few minutes, looks up and me giggling like "Hey mom, I'm just entertaining you a bit longer."

There have been signs. His love of food has directly correlated with my dipping supply. His ability to rip a privacy blanket off in public led to more private nursing. My tight shirts aren't feeling so tight anymore and I am suddenly a bit more aware that the habit of eating all the time like the calories will melt off is coming to an end.

It's been a good thing for both of us free of really any of the common complications. Sure, weaning will bring even more freedom - the final step in reclaiming my body after 20 months of donating it to someone else.

We're busy packing for a move and by the time I collapse into bed next to Henry, I realize we haven't nursed since the morning. I want to wake him up and snuggle him in, just one more time.

Because I had a rough couple of months initially with such deep sadness and then an anxiety that only has tempered itself, I have been worried about the hormones and emotions weaning can bring. I've tried to keep myself in check, taking an emotional timeout when I feel heavy.

All I can imagine is Henry as a little boy playing baseball, then a teenager looking a colleges and then a man getting married and him really no longer needing his mother anymore. I get teary thinking about him saying 'I do' and he's not even a year old. (I will not be that mom, I will not be that mom). He can't even walk and he's already stepping away from me.

{Deep breath}

I don't know when the last time will be. I just hope it wasn't this morning.


  1. Awww, this is such a sweet post. My daughter weaned herself around 9 months, it was bittersweet. It is so fun watching them grow up and learn new things but yet so hard! Cherish every MOMENT!

  2. I vividly remember nursing Mackie the morning of her 1st birthday for one last time. She was ready to be completely weaned for a week or so before that, but I held on because I wanted that special moment and to remember that "one last time." I cried, but soon after it was such a FREEING experience! i can't tell you how awesome it was to not have to live around a clock and lug around a breast pump or make sure I knew where the closest bathroom was to nurse. :) Hang in there, mama. And savor each feeding as if it was your last! (but hey - that means you can just have another child to feed!! hehe With Brax, it's the LAST LAST time I'll ever nourish my baby's body totally on my own. I'm clinging as long as possible!) :)