bye-bye summer

Tomorrow fall begins, and as much as we love pumpkin patches, pumpkin lattes and apple cider, we're still sad to see summer go.

We had lots of fun outside, traveling and enjoying KC. We celebrated a first birthday, endured horrific heat and moved into a new house. We signed up for Google Fiber, found a new cupcake place and began a new season of K-State football.

Life is good.

running for real + a cute tailgater

It feels good to be back.

I ran more than seven miles Saturday, which feels like I'm really training now. Running has become a family affair as the hubs took Henry in the jogging stroller for a run at the park while I set out for my long run. 

My running partner was out of town this weekend so I slogged through it solo. I am out of practice though and forgot to bring any sort of fuel or water. Luckily a local running group sets up water stations along my route, and I borrowed a cup. It still took me the rest of the weekend to refuel and hydrate.

I have 61 Days until the North Face Endurance Challenge half marathon here in KC. I feel stronger than I did two years ago. Last time around, I ran fast but had to walk routinely to catch my breath. This time, I've started at a slower pace and don't have to walk. Speed can come gradually, though I don't really care.

We jumped in the car after my run to head to a K-State tailgate where Henry hammed it up with the basketball team.

Another good weekend in the books!

on not having it all

I was offered a job that used my master's degree before I even had it in a tough to crack job market. It was more money, more freedom and a very cool title.

And I turned it down.

There was nothing wrong with the job, in fact I loved it, except its nearly an hour commute. It'd be earlier mornings and later nights. It'd be Henry at babysitters from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. if the hubs was on a work trip on some nights. It would be giving up the flexibility to attend Henry's doctor's appointments, our dates to music class and running his diaper bag to daycare because we forgot it at home.

It'd be figuring out how to do work, a commute, evening grad classes and you know, dinner, laundry and life. It'd mean Shea having to slow down his grad degree progress so he could do more at home.

I agonized about it. Cried a lot about it. Because deep down, I knew I couldn't have it.

My wise friend's first words after reading my long e-mail about the dilemma were: "You are right. You can't do it."

I flashed back to the recent Atlantic piece everyone and their sister wrote about on their blogs on Why Women Still Can't Have it All.

In all honesty, I could do it. I could make it work. But I wouldn't be a good mom, wife or employee. I have realized that sometimes the insanity of our life leads to a lot of stress and occasional resentment that I can't have it all. And sometimes I feel like watching Michelle Obama speak, not read about the Little Blue Truck (fantastic books by the way).

But that's not really the mom I want to be. I don't want to be unavailable because I am too far away. I know some women make it work, and I sing their praises.

For me, right now, this won't work. And I will mourn the freedom I once had to make decisions that didn't rattle all other areas of my life.

I'd rather experience the joy my life has to offer than always trying to find a way to make it work.

Mac the celebrity

This morning we were taking Mac the dog out for his morning potty break when he slipped out of his collar and bolted down the street.

Despite our driving around for nearly an hour calling his name, we both went to work Mac-less. I frantically posted on websites, including Craigslist, that our little furbaby was missing. When telling my coworker of the morning, I burst into tears - worried we'd never see the devil dog again.

Within 30 minutes of posting, Shea messaged me that Fox 4 News had our dog and to check out their Facebook page. Confused, I looked and there he was in all his hyper glory. 

Photo via Fox 4 News.

It seems a news station employee found him in the middle of an intersection and called him into her car. While at the TV studio he was given toys, bacon and helped himself to a running tour of the studio. We were quickly reunited and Mac returned to his kennel after a stern lecture.

His adventure wasn't unnoticed, however, and he has become a local celebrity. In fact, he (and his mom) will be featured on the Fox 4 morning news show Wednesday.

In the end, the story got more than 130 shares and almost 50 comments. People like happy stories.

I'm grateful for Craigslist, Facebook and our new Kansas City friend Laura who took the time to save Mac from a sad fate and reunite him with his family who loves him. Most days.

one

Dear Henry,

You're one! A whole year. Technically a year and a few weeks since your mama is a bit behind on her blog posting.

We celebrated a whole year of you with a super fun farm party at Grandma and Grandpa's house with a room of our favorite people.

You have learned sign language this month which has changed everything. You're able to communicate when you want "more" and when you're "all done." You say "uh-ooooooooh" when you drop something on the floor, and you race around the house giggling as the pets chase you. You stand frequently and take one step but plop down on your butt.

At your one-year appointment, you weighed in at 18.5 pounds - still in the 3rd percentile for height and weight. You're wearing 6-9 month clothing but gradually adding a few 12 month outfits to your wardrobe.

Your favorite toys are cars and trucks as well as a mini grand piano. You're a dancing machine and bounce your legs at the first sound of a beat. You laugh with your whole body when we poke your belly or tickle your neck.

We've switched to 2% milk, and you pretty much love all food with your favorites being watermelon, chicken enchiladas, Life cereal and bananas.

I can't believe it's been a year since you made me a mother. We've had some really hard times, some super fun ones and everything in between. There is not a second that goes by that I am not overwhelmingly blessed to call you my son.

Love you much.

Mama

"blood. everywhere."

We had Henry's one-year appointment yesterday which meant the return of the shots.He weighed in at 18lbs., 6 oz, and 27 inches (and a fourth!) inches long - 3% across the board.

He took his shots like a champ and just cried out twice but didn't even need mama snuggles. Next was a trip to the lab for a blood test to test for anemia and lead. Now, I do not handle blood tests well myself but after pregnancy where my body was fair game for every needle around, I am much braver. 

Still, Shea had to sit in the seat with Henry while I sat in the waiting room with my head between my knees, fingers in my ears and sweating through my shirt.

This, folks, is the picture of supportive motherhood.

Henry, though, was so calm that his blood stopped flowing. He is clearly not my child. Next, they did the finger prick where he just watched with curiosity as the blood dripped into the vials. 

They told us to wait five minutes before putting him in his car seat so that he couldn't rip off the gauze from his finger.

Exhibit A

We waited a few more minutes before driving the five minutes to our house. I looked back at a stoplight to see blood on Henry's legs, hands and the tip of his nose. I texted Shea, who was in the car behind me: "blood.everywhere."

I raced home, swung open the back door to find Henry finger painting with his blood all over his cheeks, nose, lips, hands, legs, shirt and car seat.

From baby to all boy toddler in one day. I'm stocking up on barf bags and Xanax.

the return, hopefully

Photo via  http://becausewecandoit.tumblr.com

I ran this week.

I could stop this blog post there, and it'd be significant enough. I am not here to make any public declarations like I did two years ago.

Maybe it's in the back of my mind, but I'm not setting myself up for that kind of public failure so late into the summer running months.

It's been hard the last two years. I ran until I was five months pregnant or so but it was winter and then my hips hurt a lot and Henry dropped really early so walking alone was a challenge. Then I had a baby who did not sleep through the night til...a week ago? And nursing was demanding. Plenty of excuses to pick from.

I hate the beginning. It hurts my calves, my hips, my lungs and my pride. It's almost worse starting from a beginner's place knowing what my body is actually capable of.

But hey, some cheesy philosopher person said a journey begins with a single step. According to the internets, I probably took 14,784 steps. A good start.