Learning agape

We've been trying out churches in KC and trying to find one as similar as possible to Eagle Brook in Minnesota.

Each week we find things we love, and things we're not sure about. We've gotten welcome gifts of chips and salsa and a $5 gas card (bribes?), sat in high school gyms and fixer-upper church buildings and heard messages on taxes, marriage and then this past week, love.

Philia (brotherly) love is pretty easy. Find someone you share a common interest, workplace or favorite restaurant with and be their friend. Eros (romantic) love is more work but natural. It's tearing up when I pick out proofs of wedding pictures, getting excited at 5 p.m. because that means Shea will be home soon, and being able to spend weeks just watching movies and drinking wine.

But agape love is our goal. Though the Corinthians passage read at weddings has become a cliche, it's the best example of agape. It's not impatient. Nor is it cranky, full of pride, quick-tempered or rude. It always trusts and hopes.

I'm not very good at it. Whether it's in marriage, or with family members or strangers, it's hard to love without the thoughts of how this will affect me, the person's previous sins against me or the fact I have a migraine and the apartment management is testing the fire alarms so I am therefore exempt from showing love. But the good news is that I am not supposed to be good at it all on my own. Humans aren't capable of this level of love no matter how good our intentions. Enter, God.

Shea and I got married in a church for this very reason. Because although we love each other with everything we are and will ever be, it won't be enough to have the marriage we both desire.

That kind of love comes from God. An agape love that never fails.