Wednesday, February 1, 2012

mom guilt

Dear Henry,

I'm sorry that you are getting formula a couple of times a week when I was too busy or too dehydrated to pump enough milk for you the day before. I'm sorry for my attitude about pumping some days. When I want to throw it out the window and give up in a exhausted, annoyed huff.

I'm sorry that I routinely forget to put Vitamin D drops into your bottles as instructed. I'm sorry that sometimes your snot really needs to be sucked but I don't do it because I hate when you cry. I'm sorry that sometimes we've gone a week and a half without a bath.

I'm sorry that although you have some super cute clothes I usually put you in sweatpants and a long-sleeved onesie. I'm sorry that I don't always wash your new clothes before I put them against your precious baby skin.

I'm sorry that you lay on a blanket on our wood floors that are only vacuumed once a week at best and washed once every two months. I'm sorry that we often use your nursery for the land of unfolded laundry. I'm sorry I never gave you the skills to sleep in your own crib. And for the chaotic transition that is sure to come.

I'm sorry that I am drinking coffee to stay awake despite the fact it also goes directly into your little body.

I'm sorry I send you to daycare where I can't protect you from another kid throwing something at your head. Or you getting a sniffly, feverish cold. I'm sorry that even though we can afford for me to stay home, we've chosen debt payoff and graduate degrees instead.

And just so I am covered, I'm sorry that you can't be a soldier, professional football player, construction worker, high-rise window washer, police officer, fire fighter, truck driver, power line repair man, coal miner or pilot.

You might have a caffeine-wired brain that is not always covered with a warm hat, but you're certainly loved to pieces!



  1. Girl, you are an amazing mom. Keep up the good work. We can't be perfect...but we can love our children with all that we are. Love you three to pieces. Miss you tons. I can't wait to get my hands on Handsome Henry in May and kiss those amazing cheeks. :)

  2. What you're doing is nothing short of amazing. There is just no way I could work full-time and go to school. I honestly can't even imagine. And I BF and drink coffee too... what's my excuse? ;) But I definitely have the "mom guilt" too...I guess it's normal, which is a relief. Like, what else could I be doing with Christian? Sometimes I put C in the Ergo and just walk around the mall because I just don't know what else to do with him at home. If that makes sense. Like, maybe I should read more books, or interact with more toys. Make him do more tummy time. He sees a physical therapist once a week to help with his torticollis and there's all these stretches we're supposed to do with him, but he'll fuss and I give up so easily. I never feel like I'm trying hard enough... or doing enough. But our boys know that we love them unconditionally, and ultimately THAT has got to be what matters most. Oh, and I LOATHE pumping. Hate it. And I only do it occasionally (not in a long time even), so I can't imagine doing it daily. You're a rock star, Mama.

  3. Loved this post. Just about all of this has gone through my own head in regards to Ryle.
    Love you!