never the same again

 
One of my favorite things is coming home to Shea, making a dinner of random leftovers (first step, check for mold) and watching four episodes of whatever show from two years ago we're watching through Netflix until we fall asleep on the couch.

Or the days we carpool to work, and on the way home we eat dinner at whatever restaurant we drive by that looks appealing.

Or when we get up early to run at the gym together. You know, before the pregnant.

Or Saturday mornings when we sleep in, he brings me pancakes in bed, and we leisurely run errands the rest of the day - just enjoying the Target aisles.

Or when we take trips because we saved up enough points or found a good airline deal, and find the most random, local things to do. Like cave tubing in Belize, pizza-eating in Breckenridge, mountain biking in Arkansas, presidential estate touring in Nashville or sushi-eating in San Francisco.

It was reflecting on the awesomeness of marriage that led to the biggest pregnancy meltdown thus far. Because folks, I really love my marriage. My non-baby, just-us marriage.

This whole baby thing is on purpose, and this boy is going to be loved to the moon and back. And I feel overwhelmingly blessed and lucky to have this little baby coming our way. But his coming also means the closing of yet another chapter. When we got married, I had that knot in my stomach and frequently teared up about the transition from daughter to wife. I read a book about not only the craziness and joy of weddings but the side feelings of grief as a woman transitions into her new identity. 

Transitioning to motherhood has got to be an even bigger switch. They say 80 percent of new mothers experience "baby blues" with 15 percent of those actually diagnosed with postpartum depression. So it's not a transition that just comes easily to all women.

I know that in a few weeks it will seem like we've always been parents. And we won't want to be watching Netflix on the couch but will be staring into a crib in awe of what we created. And I know that I'll love Shea even more because he's the father of my child.

But for at least tonight, I'm going to fall asleep on the couch with my head on Shea's chest. And no matter how many days we have as just the two of us, I'll cherish every single one of them.