I don't expect you to take this letter seriously since the dozens of hours I spend on the phone discussing our relationship apparently mean little to you.
Our relationship went to the next level in January when we requested your Internet services. Since then, we've had a lot of disappointing dates. You've given false promises, left our needs unmet and frankly, the romancing has left much to be desired - the free month of Internet for a service that does not even work is like giving us wilted flowers and a half-eaten box of chocolates. You tried to show your dedication by showing up in person with your fancy doo-dads.
We thought we had worked out our differences. We even tried to renew our relationship's strength by upping our speed to the highest you offered. We wanted to take full advantage of all your wonderful gifts. We called Monday and Tuesday, yet you said it would just take time. When we called Thursday after no communication, you promised to get back to us by the end of your day. You did not.
So, our loyalty to this relationship began to weaken despite the fact that in your sea, there are very few fish. We called Friday, begging that you make this relationship work. Please give us priority. Please consider the emotional turmoil and frustration you have brought into our lives. We never thought it would happen, but you've even caused us to yearn for our ex, Comcast.
You told us that you in fact did understand all this and that we would get another month without the burden of a bill. That you still cherished our loyalty and the on-time payments we have to offer. You swore you would call us back with an answer. Again, you did not.
On this Easter weekend, we will try our best to forgive. But we implore you, please treat us with more respect. Show us you care. Allow us to take this relationship to the next level of speed without another week of begging.
We promise if you keep up your end of the deal, we'll stop the constant phone calls and tears.
Your wishing-we-were-satisfied customers