Running on the cheap

I am back up to my three-mile run every morning followed by some sort of agonizing behavior like body squats, lunges or reverse abs. It only took a few times to resume the pre-wedding workout pace despite our four-month hiatus. OK, it was really six months, but whatever. We had to recover mentally. And then move. And then eat candy and sleep a lot. And I don't even LIKE candy.

We joined Gold's Gym, which incidentally has no candy but a whole lot of testerone. We used to go to Lifetime Fitness, which pretty much owns Johnson County, Kansas with its super megaplex gym. However, we aren't rich and JoCo makes me itch.

Lifetime Fitness: Locker room with locks included, free towels (though quite short), hair dryers, lotion, mouth wash and tampons. Yep, tampons. Marathon runners workout here. There are running clubs, pilates, kickboxing, yoga and step. The treadmills have TVs inside them so that I could watch the Today Show repeat its content every 21 minutes. Air temperature was a cool 40 degrees so sweating while running became near impossible. Personal trainers cost a million and one dollars but the one free session meant measuring fat all over your body, running and breathing  into a machine and then determining your body's age (I'm still 18!). Recommendations included running intervals, and putting less butter on  your bread.
Pricetag: $102/month

Gold's Gym: No locks, towels or tampons. Lots of grunting noises and mind-erasing pop/punk girl music. Sidenote: I found this very ironic. Are muscle-bound men really listening to Miley Cyrus? Treadmills have a "stop" button placed perfectly at my fist level, which leads to more math that I am comfortable with at 6 a.m. to determine how many miles I ran. Classes include ones with descriptions like this: "Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art that uses circular kicks, acrobatics and various ground movements while sparring." Air temperature is a normal 70 degrees. However, when 12 people line up to run and the grunting men are added in, air temperature shoots up to a balmy 100 degrees. Free personal trainer. Recommendations included circut training, cardio if you really want to and don't eat fruit after noon.
Pricetag: $35/month

I kind of like it though. Because I'm still working out at the same intensity I was before. I can still walk over to the free weight area with my five- or 10-pound weights and lift next to some huge dude who is going to go home and drink a protein shake.

And instead of spending my morning getting ready with random strangers, I am going home, eating breakfast with Shea and watching the Today Show, whose content still loops every 21 minutes.