LOST characters + Bruce Willis --> OMG, we're dead.

Obligatory caveat: I know that I am in the minority for saying that I think LOST is a terrible, terrible show. I'm glad most of you find joy in it. Yay for you! The comments in this post are not meant to attack you personally so don't get all defensive and call me an "other."

I am snobby when it comes to TV shows. My favorites are West Wing and Gilmore Girls because of their fast, snappy dialog. I tried LOST. The first season ranked somewhere between my love for Cake Boss and reruns of Boy Meets World. I stopped watching sometime in Season 3, and surprise, did not have any withdrawal effects. I've never felt incomplete not knowing what was up with the jungle whispers, the smoke monster or weirdo Jacob. Nor did I miss the incredibly intelligent dialogue; "I'm going to kill you. How? That's a surprise."

But alas, I love my husband more than I hate LOST so I attended a finale party. (I got a free t-shirt that I am auctioning off. $5 anyone?) We had the displeasure of sitting in front of a family who loved LOST and didn't understand the difference between a private living room TV watching and public viewing.

They were a script writer's dream filling in the dramatic silences with "uh oh!" "Go Jack!" "you go girl" "bottoms up" and "he sure doesn't look happy." 

My favorite, though, being when Jack opens his father's coffin and annoying mother yells, "It's empty!!!" Really? You didn't see that coming? Has Jack's father not appeared in various degrees of aliveness throughout this entire stupid show? Not only is he "OMG alive" but he eventually exits the church through Jesus-like rays of sunshine. Death, resurrection...that's been done.

Speaking of light. As our hero Jack was lying on the side of the mysterious light which is never to be explained  and seems to have little significance because surprise, we all died anyway, I got the incredibly strong urge to yell "DIE, Jack, DIE." So I wrote it in big letters on my napkin. Which as a fan of the show, I am sure Shea really appreciated my support.

Then the dramatic ending with all that hugging, smiling and deadness. Thank goodness the hugging fest only went on for the last 10 minutes of the show because I was getting a bit worried for the lady next to me whose shoulders were convulsing as she was gasping for air through her tears. I hope she hasn't watched The Sixth Sense yet, because (spoiler alert!) Bruce Willis is dead, too.

It's all over. *Tear* I'm so pleased that the island did not fall off into the ocean due to the fact Jack placed the giant pistol back into the hole of light. And I'm extremely relieved that every character realized they are in fact dead, and they are in some parallel reality. Or are they? Is there really a "now?"

Now we can start planning for LOST: The Lost Years!

P.S. I genuinely enjoyed the Target commercials. Props.