On one of our recent road trips I was reading blogs on Shea's iPhone. And several posts about what life is like after giving birth - the physical part - made me have to put my head between my knees. On more than one occasion.
I am not seeking these blogs out. They are finding me at every turn. Haunting me.
I have spent the last few weeks asking everyone I know who has had a child if this horror is really true. My mom rolled her eyes (OK, it was on the phone but I guarantee she was doing it) and told me "that's ridiculous." Mother-in-law says I'll just love my baby so much that I won't care. My friend Kristin says it's just like a bad period. I also think they are all lying.
But these blogs, yikes. There are tales of wearing ice packs in your underwear. One girl took notes on her iPhone each time she went to the bathroom. Blood. Tearing. Pain. Fear. I can't tell you more. My breakfast is now in my throat, and I am crossing my legs with alarming strength.
Then there are the picture of stomachs that look like cottage cheese. And in all honestly, I am quite fond of my tummy. I don't mind having to workout to lose weight but if the texture of my skin resembles curdled milk...ACK. My mom says this is also silly. I was born in November and she was back to her starting weight of 110, and then five pounds lighter by spring. With no trace of a stretch mark. Thank God we share genes.
We're not even talking about babies really. Which is why I emailed Shea this morning to tell him I'd like to wait to have kids until they develop a way to have children pain and gross free. But also naturally because despite all this information, I am still determined to give birth naturally. Because if you couldn't already tell, I am crazy.