Again with the customer service

Once I start my job I will have way less time to rant about customer service. Specifically how the AT&T corporation is collectively trying to ruin my life.

I was promised that someone with a resume that includes dedicated problem-solving skills and unwillingness to ever give up would arrive at my apartment today between noon and 4 p.m. Right now it’s 3:03 p.m. and I have heard nothing. Leaving me in this limbo of being forced to call customer service and make sure he’s coming or spare myself the torture, have him not come and then have to take off work next week  to sit on my couch for four hours once again.

What I have never understood is this four-hour service window. It’s like the doctor’s equivalent of making you change into a backless hospital gown for a strep throat test. It leave you vulnerable, unable to move around freely and uncertain of what will happen next. Yet, even doctors make appointments. With actual times.

Update: Calling AT&T

3:39 p.m. Call tech support. Automated evil man will not let me talk to tech support until I make a payment on my bill even though I should not owe a cent because IT DOESN’T WORK.

3:42 p.m. Hang up. Call customer service line. You have 18 minutes, people.

Me: Explain situation with both bill and the fact no one of authority is standing near my modem.

CC woman: Would you like to make a payment today or just talk to tech support?

Me: Well, first I would like you to zero out my account because I have been assured we would pay nothing for something that doesn’t work. Then, I want to talk to tech support and make sure someone will be at my apartment in the next 15 minutes. (And, I would like an allowance for emotional damages, but that’s for another time.)

Success on bill. Transferred to tech support. More upbeat, taunting music. After seven minutes of music, goes to evil automated man who tells me to first try going online for help. This is super helpful.

3:50 p.m. Tech support tells me to “please wait.” No music. No irrelevant ads. Just “please wait” every 20 seconds.

3:57 p.m. This is a joke. My life is a joke. I hung up after SEVEN minutes of “please wait.” Called back, talked to billing inquiries b/c I can’t get to tech support except through them because of my FAKE past due amount.

4:02 p.m. Billing inquiry woman: Well you can talk to tech support if you have a past due.
Me: NO, it won’t let me get through. PLEASE transfer me.

At this point my voice is getting shrill and I swear I might just burst into tears for effect.

4:14 p.m. Just now speaking to tech support.

4:17 p.m. Now referred to line department in St. Louis, Missouri. This man tries to tell me it’s because our speed is too fast. WE HAVE DOWNGRADED THIS THREE TIMES. “It looks like it didn’t go through.”

Me in my head: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have called about five times to confirm this and complain since they supposedly downgraded it weeks ago. I talked to three different people in a span of two hours last week who all confirmed it was complete and my speed was lower. Lies, all lies!

4:47 p.m. Hang up phone. Conclusion: Something else is wrong. Again, shocking. Tech support will be here first thing in the morning.

1 hour and 8 minutes later, and I definitely feel like I’m sitting in a paper gown in a drafty room.