love with no reward

I'm reading Crazy Love with my favorite friend Edie, who is unfortunately in Dallas and not near me. Lately this passage has been laying heavy on my heart.

"Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love of others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends, and other people they know and connect with. There is little love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them."

Probably because it describes me all too well. It's so easy for me to love my friends. My parents. My husband. Even my neighbors and coworkers. My love overflows, and I try to show it.

But for the people that have slighted me? The ones who have hurt me deeply and intentionally? The people who never even gave me a chance or make my life a bit more uncomfortable than I would like? Or just the ones who don't meet my deadlines at work? My love fails. Miserably.

Sometimes I try to act out of love even when I don't feel it. Sometimes I crawl into a safe place within myself and don't even try. I certainly can't change my heart overnight but the one thing I can do immediately is realize that my actions toward others are between me and God. Not between me and them. And me treating them with love is an act of obedience to a God that commands me to act like Jesus.

I'll keep praying that my heart follows my brain. When I disobey daily, I am thankful for His overflowing grace.